Friday, October 30th, 2009
Ugh! I just want to hide today.
I am not working with the school district anymore, and while that is definitely a good thing, I have the most troubling dreams that keep me from feeling rested, no matter how much I sleep. The themes all revolve around the precious child I was responsible for and the fact that I won’t know or be a part of how he progresses or grows in the future. If I know the hope in every person to grow and change, I just feel paralyzed with concern for this 4 year old who is already having such a hard start to life.
And that’s just the start of my worries. (more…)
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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
It’s already November !
That means I’m already working on my summer plans:
Plan A. Consulting internship
Plan B. Fashion Internship in New York City again
Plan C. Internship Abroad
Plan D. Study Abroad
Plan E. Do nothing and go into depression because I feel unproductive
(more…)
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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
The Aggies went out to Lubbock this past weekend as an underdog to the high-octane Tech offense. We were able to put on an offensive show of our own winning 52-30. I am hoping we can continue winning as we host Iowa State this weekend. I’ve been very inconsistent writing this fall. It seems like just as I finish one group project, another is assigned. Since I last wrote, we had a pretty big deal happen on campus.
President Obama was invited to speak by President George H. W. Bush. I was able to watch it on tv, and must say that man can speak. (more…)
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Monday, October 26th, 2009
I have a friend who’s 4 years old and his struggles pierce my heart and haunt my dreams.
I tell him, “Here at school, we walk in the halls, not run.”
He looks up at me, wild eyed and full of energy, screaming, “BUT I WANT TO RUN!” And off he goes.
I tell him, “We don’t look around the breakfast room. Eat quickly! We have important things to do in the classroom.” His fingers are magnetized to the ones of his own reflection in windows, and his gaze wanders every which way, studying children whose nametages say ’Third’ and ‘FranKayla’. He touches their hair, then their clothes, then laughs out loud when they look at him in disgust.
I correct him, directing his flailing legs to the floor and his busy eyes forward. “Sit still,” I tell him. “Look at what’s in front of you. Stay in the moment.”
He dreams, devising reasons for all of the colors and fabrics and textures around him. He presses my sweater to his face, then looks at me in innocence before his head confuses his hands and causes them to slap me away. For five minutes–sometimes ten, sometimes a whole hour–he is gone.
I am tired.
He bites another student, then me. It’s important that we call his mother, but with a new child in her arms, she’s crying in Spanish when she gets to the school. Trim, her appearance tells me that she has been on the “chase ’big A’ down the halls” exercise regime for longer than I have. Sullen eyes tell me she has lost more sleep and cried more tears. There is nothing to say to a woman whose grief over diverted dreams I am living with just 40 hours a week. The other 128 are hers. If I feel responsible for his behavior, she takes credit for his life.
I want to comfort her, even as her son’s arms are crossed in front of him and held down by the strength of my forearms. My stomach churns and I hear myself asking him, in direct tones, to apologize so I can say, “I forgive you.” He knows what my words mean; he speaks perfect Spanish and English, and can switch between the two with the effortless grace of a bilingual adult. But he doesn’t understand.
He says, “No, never! Never, never, never forever! No!” I don’t understand him. He’s shouting into open classroom doors and my eyes, but the thick glaze over his eyeballs lets me know he doesn’t see me. His anger carries him away.
I hold him, squeezing his arms and legs as tight as I can without bruising him. I have to protect myself from a 4 year old 1/3 of my weight, who struggles to reach my hip.
His struggle exhausts him, then he hugs me, giving me a glimpse of the relationship that’s possible between us.
No matter how far he runs, it is my responsibility to catch him. Still, I struggle to walk away.
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009
This week has been pretty interesting to say the least. I believe that it was the busiest week I have ever had in college thus far. I had two test, two quizzes, a presentation, a case study, an application due, and an interview. Needless to say, I did not have much free time. After five days of pure studying, I needed a fun and relaxing weekend, so I went to Nacogdoches to see one of my friends. (more…)
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009
When you come to Southeast Asia, you will be impressed by the gastronomical variety of the local foods. The intense use of ALL parts of the animal, not cutting off the heads of chickens and ducks before they roast them, leaving the skin on the chicken of every dish it is served with, to the abundance and variety of ways to use coconut and curry and banana leaves and last but certainly not least pandan. Pandan and I have had an interesting relationship since I first arrived. I noticed it right away, not being able to escape the brightly green colored bread that almost looked artificial. But all of the bread or cakes or whatever appeared to be this color, under this pandan label, seemed to have an intoxicatingly sweet aroma that piqued my interest every time. I remember the first time I decided to go for it, and purchased the small loaf of this bright green pandan bread; I think I ate the whole thing in a matter of a couple days. Since then, there was no turning back. If the menu had a mention of pandan in it, I was in. Pandan chicken (bits of chicken, wrapped and fried in a pandan leaf) is one of my favorite hawker center go-tos (but then again, I have a lot of those…) (more…)
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Sunday, October 18th, 2009
Sometimes in life we have to do things that we don’t want to do. I don’t like public speaking, so I try to avoid it. After taking my Business 205 class over the summer, I realized that I’m not too bad of a public speaker; I just lack confidence. This is going to be a problem in the professional world, so I am starting to face my fear. Last week was Days at Mays, which is a day for high school seniors to take a tour of the business school and learn about all of the opportunities available through Texas A&M. I signed up to be a member of the student panel that talks in front of the students and their parents. (more…)
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Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
At the beginning of the school year, my hall way created something called “Prank Wars ‘09″.
We drew inspiration primarily from The Office and April Fools. However, Prank Wars has recently ended due to the overwhelming sensitivity it caused. One could say, that is should be called “Sensi Wars ‘09″.
Embarrassing a friend during a date … is perhaps one of the easier pranks.
(more…)
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Sunday, October 11th, 2009
I don’t remember who said this metaphor, but it seems to accurately describe the weather last week. Texans are not used to the cold, so when it is about fifty degrees outside, we get our parkas out of the closet, put on some gloves, and look as if we are prepared for a blizzard. I even saw one girl wearing a scarf (I didn’t even know they sell those in the south). (more…)
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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
It’s about that time in the living abroad cycle. Maintaining a relationship can be hard work, especially when you are half a world apart. For those of us over here in relationships, the subject always comes up. It’s like an underlying current with all of us, and in some ways it brings us together for a short while, recognizing in someone else that big parts of our hearts and souls are not in Southeast Asia.
A lot of it is mixed emotion; you can’t believe it is already halfway over- it seems like we just got here! But then again, you realize how far you have to go. How long it has been since I have been held in Jon’s embrace, and how long it will be until I can look him in the eyes, and not by way of Skype on a computer screen.
(more…)
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