May 5th, 2008
There’s something completely invigorating about not knowing what tomorrow may hold.
People keep asking my summer plans, and while there are certainly options available, it’s so freeing to just. not. know. and continue taking life one step at a time.
On the one hand, I have 9 hours–would be only 6 if I didn’t willfully and knowingly skip a Management 211 test–to finish before I can enter upper level business. So, that could be practical, and there are several different ways I could get that done, whether it be online, in a classroom in Dallas or in a classroom in some other random, Texas community college where I could be a student by day and tourist by night. All of these have their appeal, yet for some reason I just want to back away from academia for a little while and get some organic perspectives–not all this canned, quick, textbook nonsense.
Then there’s camp. I am not one for repeating or attempting to recreate experiences, but it would definitely be worthwhile to understand the non-profit sector better by seeing camp through those eyes–again. I love, love, love being on the lake and getting to be my quieter, less outgoing self because of the side of me that the environment brings out. There are people I definitely want to be around, relationships I want to grow, and still a really big desire to give back to a place where huge differences have been made in my life. Still, there’s a side of me that wants a “new” experience and I’m afraid of going back into something with unspoken expectations.
My sister and I are talking about a freedom trip to where ever our hearts and checking accounts lead us, but I’m wondering whether there’s something I should be saving for that would be more important. I just have an unruly hair that’s leading me anywhere but here right now. There’s a writing program in Denver, the Puerto Rico appeal, and then the fact that I have people I could stay with in Honduras and Brazil…and I just want to do it–be free–do my own thing. I know if I don’t follow the desire now, it will dull the impact of whatever I do choose to do, simply because the itch will grow into an all out need for rebellion. I want all these things and still believe it’s possible.
I get excited while I’m talking about and planning for the FullHearts/FullHands leadership retreat, but I am craving the the execution. I want to see tangible results and all of the excited chatter about it makes me nervous because there are still so many bases to cover before I can count my work done well. The concept is affording me opportunities to talk with some really neat people, but with each new perspective I gain, my responsibility level heightens. I’m getting to the point where I need to start delegating tasks, and it forces me into a level of accountability as far as spelling out exactly what needs to be done so I can communicate that–without micromanaging–to the people whose personal drive and support I will have to rely on to make all this happen. This one experience is forcing me up to the plate on so many different levels.
In all of the choices, still, I feel such a clear certainty that I will wind up where ever I need to be and will take away something from this summer that has the power to wildly enrich the rest of my life. I’m just excited to find out how. 
